About me, the quintessential infertile turtle

First let me tell you about me. My name is Renee, and I am a 29 year old teacher (out of work currently), who is infertile. Infertile like, my husband and I have been trying for 4 years and not one child yet. We have been to several doctors and have had several tests run. I have been through surgery, charting, so many blood draws that I look like a heroin addict, IUI, shots, HSG (twice), and heartache of course. The diagnosis: unexplained infertility. How frustrating! Because getting pregnant naturally is not likely to ever happen, my husband and I have decided to save up for IVF. The tentative date for this IVF is January 2012.


So why am I writing a blog about it you might ask? I decided in the meantime, I could be more positive. Infertility literally takes a woman to her lowest point. It will test your faith, beliefs, and womanhood. I have prayed for one thing for four years! Anyways, my sulking, crying and why me attitude hasn't gotten me anywhere, so I decided to do something that could make me happy until the day we can actually afford IVF. This blog serves to distract me and purge me of all the negative thoughts I've been feeling for four years.


These past four years have been an emotional roller coaster. Each month for an infertile woman consists of two weeks of hope, a week of anticipation and a week of complete and utter despair. So to lift my spirits until that glorious day when a doctor can insert a couple of embryos into my uterus, I am going to be thankful. That's right, you heard me. I am not going to focus on my infertility. Instead I am going to focus on the things I have to be thankful for. Each day I will pick another thing that I am thankful for and relate it to my journey of infertility in a positive light. It can be anything: a person, place, feeling, belief or an actual object that I love. I truly believe in the power of perspective, acceptance and attitude.


"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile." ~Author Unknown

Monday, November 7, 2011

#29 Living Now

When I think of infertility and I think of the misunderstanding that there is surrounding it, I can become quite frustrated.  There really is a lot of ignorance in regards to infertility.  Most of the population has no clue.  Despite this, I realize that I am lucky in some ways.  I live now, in the present.  My circumstances are much easier than those that have come before me and faced infertility in an even more ignorant society.  I don't know how they dealt with it.  They had to have been tough and I have so much respect for them.  

Ever since there were humans living on this Earth, there were unfortunate women who suffered with this ailment.  In earlier times, the struggle for infertility was so much more difficult.  As taboo as infertility is now, it was so much worse back then.  It was always assumed to be the woman's fault when a couple could not conceive.  Women were shamed by their husbands and family.  There were no counselors or going to psychiatrists.  These women had NO ONE to turn to.  There was no medical treatment or procedures available for infertility.  Women had to give up the hopes of children without a fighting chance.  Their level of frustration must have been immense.

I think it's important to add that infertility is more common than people think.  Infertility affects 10% of the US population, a startling fact.  To put that stat in a number that might make it more clear, that is 6.1 million individuals.  All I can think, is that there are six million people struggling with the emotional pain of infertility right now.  I am one of them.

Lucky for me though,  I don't live in the medieval times or pioneer days.  I live in the modern world with internet and cell phones.  I can write about my problems and post here on this blog for others to see.  I have received heartfelt feedback from some very strong and amazing women.  It makes me feel less alone.  I can go to the Inspire website and ask for information or advice from other infertile women or just vent when I am feeling down or angry.  In response, I hear from women who can tell me their story and how they reacted in the same instance.  It makes me feel validated.   I can search on the internet for the best infertility specialists and seek medical treatment to increase my odds of falling pregnant.  It may not work, but at least I have more options and can feel like I am putting up a good fight.

Why was I born now and not back then?  I'm not sure. I'm not sure how life works.  Infertility has shown me just how out of control and clueless I really am.  I'm not sure if there is a bigger plan or if everything just happens as it does without nothing more than a scientific theory for explanation.  Despite this, I am grateful that I live in a time of great medical achievement, technology and a broader awareness.  We still have a long way to go, but we are much better off now then the women who came long before us.

"Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weaknesses." ~Marquise du Deffand















    
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