On Saturday, my husband and I, my brother, my sister in law and my parents were hanging out together and waiting for the moving trucks to arrive with my parents' belongings. My sister in law, Kathryn and I started talking and decided we had to see our nieces. It had just been too long. We called my sister, who was too busy to get out of the house, to see if we could pick them up and watch them for the day. Even though we would be helping my parents later, my nieces are so well behaved, we knew we could handle it. She eagerly agreed to let us take them off her hands so she could get some much needed work done around the house.
When we picked them up, they were all smiles and were thrilled to see us. They are girls about town--they love going out or as they call it "going bye-bye." We put them in our car and Kathryn drove us to meet everyone else at a restaurant for lunch. On the way in the car, I would constantly point out things on the side of the road, like a truck, flag or balloon. Kinsey, the more talkative of the two, would exclaim, "I see it Nene, I see it!" It made my heart melt to hear her excitedly say the name that all my nieces and nephews affectionately call me. Kylie, the more quiet (and sassy) of the twins would reach out her hand towards me in the car so that I would attempt to reach out and touch it back. Just when I would get close enough, she'd retract her hand and start laughing hysterically. They are so adorable and so much fun, I wish I could put them in my pocket and keep them with me at all times.
Being with Kylie and Kinsey is a mix of emotions for me. At times, I feel an ache in my heart, because I so wish I could have a set of twins as precious as they are. When my sister told me that she was pregnant for a third time, it made me extremely envious. When she called a few weeks later to tell me that it was twins instead of just one child, I was beyond heartbroken due to my predicament. Here was my sister already with two wonderful children and she gets two more, at the same time. It just didn't seem fair. Why couldn't I just have one?
Though I feel this heart break when I am around them, at the same time I am filled with such an overflowing love, that I can't feel anything but blessed that they are a part of my life. This mix of emotions is confusing and difficult to process. How can one feel such joy and sadness in one moment?
That's when I have to make a decision. I have to decide to be grateful and not envious. True, my sister has two, precious little daughters, but then again, I have two precious little nieces. I choose to be thankful. I let that feeling override the sadness and envy. If I didn't, I wouldn't be able to enjoy them and I could miss out on some amazing memories.
My sister called me today to tell me something that she knew I would love to hear. When she woke up the twins this morning, she asked Kinsey if she wanted to go to school. Kinsey shook her head and said, "No. I want to see Nene. Go to Nene's house." Hearing that, made me realize that my job right now is to be an aunt, the best aunt that I can be to those two little girls. One day I will have my own children, but until then, being an amazing aunt is my role in life.
Having no children of my own makes me feel like there is something missing in my life, but if I didn't have my nieces and nephews, that void would feel so much bigger.
"Only an aunt can give hugs like a mother, can keep secrets like a sister, and share love like a friend." ~Spanish Proverb
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