Over the past few weeks, I have had contact with some pretty unruly and ill behaved children and it makes me feel a little conflicted. When I am around kids like this I think several thoughts: 1. "Oh my gosh, kids these days are so bad. Parents do not discipline any more." 2. "I hope that when I have kids, they do not act like this. Never mind that, I will not ALLOW my kids to behave this way." 3. "Holy crap, karma is going to bite me in the ass because I will probably have terribly behaved children for thinking these things." 4. "Am I cut out to have children? Should they be annoying me this much?" 5. "Does God think I can't handle kids and this is why he made me infertile?" Which allows me to sidetrack for a second to reiterate why infertility sucks: it creates this type of thinking. It makes you question if you are cut out for motherhood. As if by divine intervention, God is letting you know that you didn't make the grade.
Then I assure myself with a few thoughts: 1. I am pretty sure that abusive and neglectful parents do not deserve to be parents, so therefore God actually does not micromanage in this way. 2. I have been around plenty of wonderful kids that do not get on my nerves, so really it's just that these kids are legitimately bad. 3. I can actually think of a specific child that does not get on my nerves, my niece Claire, whom I LOVE to be around.
Seriously, Claire is such an amazing child, I am so thankful she is in my life. Claire is the kind of child that every parent would love to have. She is the second daughter of my brother and she is eight years old. Her older sister is Kayla, who is my #15. Claire is the sweetest, most loving child I have ever been around. She rarely gets in trouble. She is a people pleaser. She will ask before doing anything. If all of my nieces and nephews are playing, and a fight breaks out, we ask Claire what really happened. The other kids will finger point and make accusations, but not my little Claire bear. She is always fair and honest. God, I love her!
As wonderful a child she is now, Claire was an equally wonderful baby. She rarely cried and she always smiled. As a baby her big, crystal blue eyes were so striking. They cut right through you. She had the most high pitched sweet voice I have ever heard. When we would ask her what her name was, she would reply in that little voice, "Claire Bear B---," as if Bear was her middle name. One of my favorite memories of her was when she was about two and I told her that I would read to her and to go get some books. She quickly ran into her bedroom and ran back with a stack of books. She kept dropping them on her way to me. As she would pick up one dropped book, she would turn around and drop another. She finally looked at me with a frustrated face and said in that tiny, precious voice, "It's so heavy Nene." My heart broke and I ran over to help her immediately.
This past summer, Claire and Kayla came and stayed with Nick and I one week. They were such a joy to be around and Nick said that any time they wanted to stay with us, he would be more than happy to have them. Their presence in our home was so heart warming. It made me imagine what it must be like for people that have their own children. Even though I recognize that having children is tough and frustrating at times, I would fathom that there are also so many fulfilling moments that make it all worth it.
Sure, Claire is special; there are few kids by nature that are this amenable. However, Claire has made me see that the good definitely outweighs the bad. Even if I end up having a slew of difficult kids, it would be worth it if they are even just a little bit like her.
"Little girls are the nicest things that happen to people. They are born with a little bit of angelshine about them, and though it wears thin sometimes there is always enough left to lasso your heart. . ." ~Alan Beck
No comments:
Post a Comment