Ok, I'm going to try to not get all goo goo on my blog through this whole process, but it seems that I should give credit where credit is due. I am so thankful for my husband. I'm going to spare you all the long story of how we met because that's not what this blog is about. Here is the short version: We met in a bar on New Year's Eve when we were 24. Less than a year and a half later, we were married. DONE.
Now for the thankful part. I literally think my husband was made for me (he's 11 months younger, so it's quite possible that God had me in mind). He is the ying to my yang, the vodka to my Red Bull. I tend to be quite intense at times and he always manages to bring me back to center. I can be riled up and wound up like a top and my husband will say "Come lay down by me" in a yoda like voice and in about five minutes I will be asleep on his chest. This is not an exaggeration, I am serious.
Through this whole infertility process, it is true that our marriage has been strained. We have argued about our infertility on numerous occasions. Mostly because he hates to talk about it and I tend to obsess and talk about it too much. However, my husband has been considerably supportive. He has hugged me when I'm sad and tried his best to comfort and console me. The great thing about it, is through this process, we have become stronger as a couple. Many infertile couples will fight, blame and resent. Infertility can destroy marriages and relationships. In our case, instead of destructive, it has been constructive. We recognize how much we love each other and that it is "our" problem. It has never turned into a blame game. We want to be parents together and we long to see each other in that role. As much as I have a desire to be a mother, I have a strong desire to see my husband as a father.
There are days when I ask him, "Is it going to be just me and you forever?" He of course answers with, "I don't know." Obviously neither of us wants that, but if that is the case and we never conceive, he is the only person that I could stand forever with.
"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
About me, the quintessential infertile turtle
First let me tell you about me. My name is Renee, and I am a 29 year old teacher (out of work currently), who is infertile. Infertile like, my husband and I have been trying for 4 years and not one child yet. We have been to several doctors and have had several tests run. I have been through surgery, charting, so many blood draws that I look like a heroin addict, IUI, shots, HSG (twice), and heartache of course. The diagnosis: unexplained infertility. How frustrating! Because getting pregnant naturally is not likely to ever happen, my husband and I have decided to save up for IVF. The tentative date for this IVF is January 2012.
So why am I writing a blog about it you might ask? I decided in the meantime, I could be more positive. Infertility literally takes a woman to her lowest point. It will test your faith, beliefs, and womanhood. I have prayed for one thing for four years! Anyways, my sulking, crying and why me attitude hasn't gotten me anywhere, so I decided to do something that could make me happy until the day we can actually afford IVF. This blog serves to distract me and purge me of all the negative thoughts I've been feeling for four years.
These past four years have been an emotional roller coaster. Each month for an infertile woman consists of two weeks of hope, a week of anticipation and a week of complete and utter despair. So to lift my spirits until that glorious day when a doctor can insert a couple of embryos into my uterus, I am going to be thankful. That's right, you heard me. I am not going to focus on my infertility. Instead I am going to focus on the things I have to be thankful for. Each day I will pick another thing that I am thankful for and relate it to my journey of infertility in a positive light. It can be anything: a person, place, feeling, belief or an actual object that I love. I truly believe in the power of perspective, acceptance and attitude.
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile." ~Author Unknown
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