Our friendship continually progressed and never faltered. When we both were in high school together, instead of him being embarrassed by his little sister, he was proud. We hung out with each other's friends and we would cover for each other if one of us snuck out (I did more covering than him). When we were both in college together, we hung out and he always called me and included me in everything he did. He wanted to watch over me and see me happy and have a good time. I loved hanging out with him. I had always looked up to him and thought he was special for a big brother. Most big brothers, I thought, would stay far away from their younger siblings, but not my big bro. He enjoyed showing me the ropes of high school and then college. I of course was elated that he gave me the time of day.
After college, my brother had it rough for a while. He had to let go of his dream of being a pilot because he got married and had kids too young. Later on he lost a lucrative paying job and then he divorced from his first wife. Many of his hardships came from his decisions or mistakes, but I still couldn't help but feeling for him. For a while when he was going through the bad years, we weren't as close. I just thought that maybe that was the natural course of a sibling relationship in life, but his depression was the culprit and I wouldn't realize it until after he overcame it. Grant picked himself back up, got a new job and found a new wife who he absolutely adores. It should come as no surprise that his current wife and I are great friends. He started calling me more often and asking for advice. Our relationship had been restored. To this day, I talk to him at least twice a week. We give each other advice or just listen to the other vent.
When I was going through infertility, I didn't tell anyone for about three years. I can't explain it, but infertility almost makes one feel ashamed or embarrassed. It's not something you want to shout from the roof tops. It is a sensitive subject and how others react can alter your mood and spirit. My husband and I always figured that we'd eventually get pregnant and wouldn't have to tell anyone about us struggling through it. When it wasn't going as planned, I realized I needed to tell my family. I knew they were wondering why we weren't having kids. The first person from my family that I told about it was my mom, followed by my brother. He didn't say much but just listened. I didn't expect any consoling words, because guys just aren't that good at it. The great thing was that he just asked questions and didn't offer any words of advice. Even better, he didn't say any of the insensitive things that most of us infertiles expect to hear from someone who doesn't understand. I felt a weight being lifted off my chest. Even now when I tell someone new whom I trust about my infertility and they react in a way that doesn't insult me, more weight is lifted. I can still talk to Grant about it and the conversation isn't sad or depressing, it's merely matter of fact. One time he said, "I just won't believe that you and Nick will never have kids. Yall are just too good of people for it to never happen." Some people need to take advice from him on the right things to say to an infertile woman. I have the best big brother in the world. I am so thankful.
"I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother and I found all three." ~Author Unknown
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