Case in point: yesterday at church. A young couple just so happened to sit in the pew directly in front of my husband and I. This may seem like no big deal except they had a precious two year old daughter and the woman was pregnant. They didn't sit to the right or left of us, or the row behind us, but directly in front of us; happy and smiling when their little girl did something cute. I don't think I saw another pregnant woman in that entire church. I mean seriously, could God be any crueler? This is the thought that started to creep into my mind by the end of mass. It was followed of course by, "It's not fair. Why do we have to work so hard while others barely bat an eye? My husband deserves to be a father. He'd be an amazing dad." So normally, this would be followed by tears in the car on the way home while my husband quietly drives to our house so that I could get into bed and sulk for a few hours. For him, the day would be a bust and he would feel miserable.
Then I did it. I said to myself, "NO. I have so much to be thankful for." I started to think of every single one of my blogs and when I got into the car I didn't bring up the the pregnant woman or her family and it was soon forgotten. The truth here is that their story isn't mine. Who knows what their future holds or what is in their past? Though everything seems perfect in their world, I don't know that for sure. What I do know is that yes, I have infertility but other than that, my life is pretty wonderful.
After church, my husband and I ate lunch at one of our favorite restaurants and then bought coffee at a bookstore so we could sit and talk. Then I realized how thankful I am for our weekends and that we literally have no worries for those few days of the week. My husband and I can do whatever we want on the weekends: We can go out of town, we can sit around and be lazy or we can do just what we did yesterday; spend some good quality time together as husband and wife. Our only responsibility on the weekends is to ourselves.
It is true that for four years, we have been desperately trying to have children, but infertility has provided us something we wouldn't have had had we conceived immediately. We are able to really be together, just the two of us, giving each other undivided attention. These are precious moments. When kids come along, all this will stop. I have realized through infertility that we have come to know each other deeply and have found that we love one another's company. If we do have some kids along the way, we vowed that we will be sure to always find time every week for just the two of us. It has strengthened our marriage for the future.
So until we have children, I am going to thoroughly enjoy my carefree weekends. I almost let a one hour mass destroy an amazing Sunday afternoon with my husband. I've learned that sometimes, though difficult, it's in your best interest to ignore your heart and let your mind take the reigns.
"Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day." ~Author Unknown
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