About me, the quintessential infertile turtle

First let me tell you about me. My name is Renee, and I am a 29 year old teacher (out of work currently), who is infertile. Infertile like, my husband and I have been trying for 4 years and not one child yet. We have been to several doctors and have had several tests run. I have been through surgery, charting, so many blood draws that I look like a heroin addict, IUI, shots, HSG (twice), and heartache of course. The diagnosis: unexplained infertility. How frustrating! Because getting pregnant naturally is not likely to ever happen, my husband and I have decided to save up for IVF. The tentative date for this IVF is January 2012.


So why am I writing a blog about it you might ask? I decided in the meantime, I could be more positive. Infertility literally takes a woman to her lowest point. It will test your faith, beliefs, and womanhood. I have prayed for one thing for four years! Anyways, my sulking, crying and why me attitude hasn't gotten me anywhere, so I decided to do something that could make me happy until the day we can actually afford IVF. This blog serves to distract me and purge me of all the negative thoughts I've been feeling for four years.


These past four years have been an emotional roller coaster. Each month for an infertile woman consists of two weeks of hope, a week of anticipation and a week of complete and utter despair. So to lift my spirits until that glorious day when a doctor can insert a couple of embryos into my uterus, I am going to be thankful. That's right, you heard me. I am not going to focus on my infertility. Instead I am going to focus on the things I have to be thankful for. Each day I will pick another thing that I am thankful for and relate it to my journey of infertility in a positive light. It can be anything: a person, place, feeling, belief or an actual object that I love. I truly believe in the power of perspective, acceptance and attitude.


"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile." ~Author Unknown

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

#13 Good Health

A couple weeks ago, I received an envelope in the mail from the March of Dimes.  In the envelope was was an actual dime with a stub to be sent back with a generous donation.  The gist of the letter was to return the dime and at the same time give a few of your own.  If you didn't know, The March of Dimes works to improve the health of mothers and newborn babies.  In a split instant I had a very selfish moment: Here I am wanting to be a mother with a newborn baby.  Why should I give to those that have a newborn baby for free when I have to save up to have one of my own?  I immediately suffered the guilt for feeling this way, even if was just for a moment.  As a result, I didn't throw the letter away, thinking maybe I would donate to redeem myself.  When Nick arrived home from work that day, I told him about the letter and to test him said, "I mean, we can't donate money to others, we need to raise our own money to afford IVF.  Right?"  Then Nick said something that made me so proud of him, "We should donate.  We don't need a black cloud looming over us.  We can't expect to have good fortune when we aren't willing to help others receive theirs."  I was shocked and pleasantly surprised with his remark.  Nick isn't cheap or greedy, but donating money has never been his thing.  I wrote a check to the March of Dimes and put in in the mailbox.

The next day after the mail man picked up my donation, I retrieved the new mail and walked back inside the house.  I told Nick that God was now messing with us because in the mail again was another fundraiser request.  It was for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and included a nickel and note saying that, "A generous gift, along with this nickel, can help save children's lives across Texas."  I also wrote them a check and sent it the next day.  A few days after, I received a phone call from the National Breast Cancer Foundation for a donation.  I decided that God was really having a good time at our expense.  I just pictured him looking down and laughing.  It made me smile, because man he really knows what he's doing!

What I soon found after receiving the fundraiser requests was that I was thankful that I am not the one needing a fundraiser.  In other words, I am a healthy and have been my whole life.  I have never had a  major illness and/or suffered from any traumatic injuries.  (Unless you count being hit in the nose by a softball when I was eight.  Though it was probably more traumatic for my mom then myself.)  My BMI is in the normal range, I have had doctors comment that I have the blood pressure of an athlete and I am pretty darn strong if I do say so myself.  Now, I realize that I am only twenty nine and that I have no idea what the future holds.  Life can change on a dime (no pun intended) and it's not always for the better.  Your health can change at any instant, some things are just out of our control.

Ok, I know what you're thinking.  Yes, I am infertile and there are people that say it is a disease, so technically my health isn't perfect.  However, infertility does not threaten my life and I can still do any physical activity I please.  Not to mention, if I wasn't healthy, managing infertility would be much more difficult.  So tonight during my bedtime prayer, I will include a little thanks for having twenty nine years of one less thing to worry about.

"The greatest wealth is health."  ~Virgil



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