About me, the quintessential infertile turtle

First let me tell you about me. My name is Renee, and I am a 29 year old teacher (out of work currently), who is infertile. Infertile like, my husband and I have been trying for 4 years and not one child yet. We have been to several doctors and have had several tests run. I have been through surgery, charting, so many blood draws that I look like a heroin addict, IUI, shots, HSG (twice), and heartache of course. The diagnosis: unexplained infertility. How frustrating! Because getting pregnant naturally is not likely to ever happen, my husband and I have decided to save up for IVF. The tentative date for this IVF is January 2012.


So why am I writing a blog about it you might ask? I decided in the meantime, I could be more positive. Infertility literally takes a woman to her lowest point. It will test your faith, beliefs, and womanhood. I have prayed for one thing for four years! Anyways, my sulking, crying and why me attitude hasn't gotten me anywhere, so I decided to do something that could make me happy until the day we can actually afford IVF. This blog serves to distract me and purge me of all the negative thoughts I've been feeling for four years.


These past four years have been an emotional roller coaster. Each month for an infertile woman consists of two weeks of hope, a week of anticipation and a week of complete and utter despair. So to lift my spirits until that glorious day when a doctor can insert a couple of embryos into my uterus, I am going to be thankful. That's right, you heard me. I am not going to focus on my infertility. Instead I am going to focus on the things I have to be thankful for. Each day I will pick another thing that I am thankful for and relate it to my journey of infertility in a positive light. It can be anything: a person, place, feeling, belief or an actual object that I love. I truly believe in the power of perspective, acceptance and attitude.


"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile." ~Author Unknown

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

#3 Louisiana

Well, I am back from my labor day weekend hiatus.  I know I said I would write every day, but when I go back home, all is forgotten and I become responsibility free.  So I thought it would be very fitting to write my #3 thing I am thankful for as my home state of Louisiana.

My parents were born and raised in New Orleans and my siblings and I were all born there as well.  When I was in elementary school, my family moved from Louisiana so my Dad could find work.  From there, we lived in Mississippi, then Florida for several years and then I finished up high school in Texas.  All that time, without realizing it, I never felt at home.  It wasn't that I didn't have friends or that I wasn't happy, but something was off.  This feeling stopped when I attended LSU for college and everything made sense.  I finally felt like I was right where I belong; it was like I was tapping in to roots I had forgotten were there.  To this day, when I cross the Atchafalaya bridge, the feeling rushes back to me.

Maybe I am biased, but there is something about Louisiana that you can't get anywhere else.  I have lived in several states throughout my life, but there is no state that I have lived in yet that has the culture that Louisiana has: the food, Mardi Gras, the hospitality, the people, the music, the football, the crawfish boils, Antebellum homes, New Orleans...I could go on forever.  Louisiana undoubtedly has a culture of having a good time.  Seriously, which other state has their own holiday that they celebrate for almost a month?  If there is one, I would have to google it to realize it, but who has to google Mardi Gras?  Where else in this country can you walk down a street at twelve in the afternoon to find people drinking, laughing and listening to live music?  I bet I don't even have to tell you that the street I'm talking about is Bourbon.  I have visited many places, but not one has even near the quality of delicious cooking that Louisiana has.  It is truly a unique place and I have yet to find a place to match it.  Which leads me to explain why I am thankful for my #3.

Throughout these last four insufferable years,  I have not lived in Louisiana.  However, I visit there at least once a year.  Whether it be for Mardi Gras, to see my parents, to visit my college friends, for a family reunion, to attend a wedding or like this past weekend, for a bachelorette party, Louisiana is a great place for a vacation.  The great thing about Louisiana is not only do I feel like I can act more myself, but I forget about all my worries and my current predicament.  It takes my mind off of the situation and I can just relax and have a good time.  When I go there I am too busy shopping at the local shops, partying, eating and visiting with family and friends to think of anything else but the moment.  It is one of my biggest distractors and I am so thankful.

I love Louisiana and I am proud to call it my true home.  I have seen a decline of Louisiana in some ways in my own lifetime and this saddens me.  I was living there for Hurricane Katrina and saw the devastation it caused.  In a lot of ways, New Orleans still has not recovered.  However, despite the negative aspects of Louisiana, I really feel that they are all outweighed by the positives.  I have not lived there in years, but deep down, I know I will find my way back there eventually.

"I guess I feel that I was following my instincts, and at the same time being guided by the best. I became totally intrigued with Louisiana - the people, the food. It is a part of my life. Everything that has happened for me since moving here has just been icing on the cake."  ~Emeril Lagasse




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