#10 My Dad

Seeing as though he is the reason for my blog yesterday, dedicating today's thanks to my Dad feels like the right thing to do.

My Dad was a tough love kind of father.  He didn't treat me and my sister like princesses and he certainly didn't spoil any of us.  He always told us that he thought we were spoiled but by looking at my peers and friends, we were probably the least spoiled of all.  He didn't give in to our every whim.  He actually used to sing us that Rolling Stones song, "You Can't Always Get What You Want..." when we asked for something or said we wanted something.  If any of us threw fits, he would tell us, "The world does not revolve around you."  If we then retaliated with an "It's not fair!"  He would simply retort, "Well, I hate to break it to you, but life's not fair."  At four years old, this can be really frustrating.  It is true, my Dad didn't always give us what we wanted, but he made sure he always gave us what we needed.  We never were without a home, food, clothes or love.

In his youth, my Dad was a very ambitious man.  He and my Mom had my older sister when he was twenty eight and he was in law school and working a full time job.  His dream was to be a politician.  I think my Dad believed he could change the world for the better.  He really felt the moral fabric of America was deteriorating (to this day, he still believes this to be true), and he wanted to turn it around.  However, being a politician and being a family man is a tough juxtaposition.  In order to be a politician, you have to sacrifice a lot of things, most of the time in doing so, you're sacrificing to the detriment of your family.  When he realized this, he gave up his dream and found work as a corporate attorney, a job he loathed.  My Dad held this job until retirement.  Having to get up and go to work every day was a real struggle for him, but he did it to support his family.  He wanted to be able to provide us with everything we needed so we could live a normal and happy life.

However miserable he was at work, it didn't affect his role as a father.  In his free time, he became involved in our sports and extra curricular activities.  One of my favorite and funniest memories of my Dad was when he defended to the high school athletic boosters that, "Cheerleading is a sport, damn it.  How many of you can do a standing back flip?"  He coached my brother's football teams, attended all of our games and encouraged us to work hard.  He always said, "A lot of people are going to be more naturally gifted than you, but they may not work as hard and that makes all the difference."  My Dad used to tape inspiring quotes and antidotes to our bedroom doors so that when we woke up in the morning, it was one of the first things we saw.  When it was time for each of us to go to college he helped us fill out our applications and he managed to some how find scholarships for all three of us.  While in college, he rewarded us for getting A's and reminded us how important education was.

I am so grateful for everything he did for us growing up, but one of the most important things he provided me with is my confidence.  I actually read an article once that said all girls need a father in their lives.  The article went on to say that a girl's confidence and emotional strength are rooted in their relationship with their father.  If a girl has a good relationship, she will feel more self worth and therefore make wise choices.  I actually believe this to be true.  Growing up, my Dad used to tell me that I am as smart as anyone else and that I could do anything I wanted to do in life.  He told me that it was ok to be an athletic or strong woman or to want a career when I am older.  He tried to squash all the stereotypes that used to be so ingrained in young women.  I did not have to be a housewife or try to portray myself as weak.  I could be a doctor, a lawyer or an athlete if I wanted and would still be feminine.  He also instilled in me the idea that a positive attitude can do wonders in a desperate situation and that sometimes you have to actually strive for it.  Optimism doesn't always come naturally.

My confidence and emotional strength carries me through life, especially in my struggle with infertility.  Infertility is not for the weak at heart.  It is the hardest thing I have ever experienced, literally.   Feeling heartbreak month after month for four years is difficult to endure.  Us infertiles internally battle with ourselves; questioning our worth as a wife, daughter, aunt and overall purpose as a woman.  We have to deal with tough decisions:  Do I go forward with IVF even though I am pro life?  Is it the right thing to do?  Is this the path God wants me to take?  Should I spend all of our savings, even if it doesn't work? Many relationships get severed in the process; it's tough to see your best friends and family members working on their second and third babies even though you've been working on just one for far longer.  Some women struggle with suicidal thoughts.  I would be lying if I told you that it has never entered my mind when I was at my lowest.  Despite all of this, I was and am able to get through it.

They say that you always manage.  In other words, when life gets tough, you adjust.  That may be true, but some occurrences in life are not so easy to accomodate to, and some people don't bend, they break.  If it wasn't for my Dad and the determination and tenacity he instilled in me, I would have broken a long time ago.  Right now I'm still bending.

"One father is worth more than a hundred school masters." ~George Herbert

                                                    Me and Dad on my wedding day.