About me, the quintessential infertile turtle

First let me tell you about me. My name is Renee, and I am a 29 year old teacher (out of work currently), who is infertile. Infertile like, my husband and I have been trying for 4 years and not one child yet. We have been to several doctors and have had several tests run. I have been through surgery, charting, so many blood draws that I look like a heroin addict, IUI, shots, HSG (twice), and heartache of course. The diagnosis: unexplained infertility. How frustrating! Because getting pregnant naturally is not likely to ever happen, my husband and I have decided to save up for IVF. The tentative date for this IVF is January 2012.


So why am I writing a blog about it you might ask? I decided in the meantime, I could be more positive. Infertility literally takes a woman to her lowest point. It will test your faith, beliefs, and womanhood. I have prayed for one thing for four years! Anyways, my sulking, crying and why me attitude hasn't gotten me anywhere, so I decided to do something that could make me happy until the day we can actually afford IVF. This blog serves to distract me and purge me of all the negative thoughts I've been feeling for four years.


These past four years have been an emotional roller coaster. Each month for an infertile woman consists of two weeks of hope, a week of anticipation and a week of complete and utter despair. So to lift my spirits until that glorious day when a doctor can insert a couple of embryos into my uterus, I am going to be thankful. That's right, you heard me. I am not going to focus on my infertility. Instead I am going to focus on the things I have to be thankful for. Each day I will pick another thing that I am thankful for and relate it to my journey of infertility in a positive light. It can be anything: a person, place, feeling, belief or an actual object that I love. I truly believe in the power of perspective, acceptance and attitude.


"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile." ~Author Unknown

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

#18 & #19 Cat naps and Leftovers

Yesterday I was tired and I didn't blog on what I was thankful for.  The truth is, that I have started to substitute teach and waking up super early again has me all out of whack.  I was so tired when I got home yesterday, I felt nauseous.  I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.  It's the kind of tired where you can't think straight and your head feels like its stopped up.  There is just no other way for me to explain it.  So yesterday, I took a long cat nap at about five in the afternoon and didn't wake up until about eight in the evening.

Naps are the best.  When I am extremely exhausted, there is no better feeling than allowing myself to lie down on the couch and drift off to sleep.  While in college, I would come home from class and sleep for four hours every day.  Of course, I was recovering from going out the night before, so the nap was essential if I was to have the energy to go out again that night.  My after class naps were much envied by my roommate who had to work after classes.  She would come home from work in the afternoons and wake me up with her arrival.  She would shake her head, half amused and half envious.  I didn't care if I was rubbing it in.  Those naps were my bitches and I had no shame.      

I also realize that yesterday's nap is a coveted by about every working mother out there.  So, since presently I am infertile and have no kids, I thought it best to be thankful that I can still take naps when and where I please, without interruption.  At least I have that over all those women who can just get pregnant whenever they want.  They have whiny children when they get home.  I have relaxing naps.

Today is no different.  I am utterly exhausted again and feel like crud.  This brings me to #19: leftovers.  When I feel like this, I do not want to cook when I get home.  This problem is simply cured with leftovers.  Typically, I cook every night and we always have left over food since it's just the two of us.  Therefore, I end up freezing leftovers for another time.  Last night and tonight is a leftover night.  I simply put the leftovers to heat up back in the oven or on the stove and voila: Dinner is served!

If I had children, I may not have leftovers to serve because it would have all been eaten or I would have had to cook something any way because children are not fond of left over food.  So until I have children, I will be thankful for how easy dinner time is with just two adults in the house.

Naps and leftovers are life savers on stressful and tiresome days.  Anything that makes my life easier at this point, I consider a HUGE blessing.

"Human felicity is produced not as much by great pieces of good fortune that seldom happen, as by the little advantages that occur every day." ~Benjamin Franklin


                                                This is how I felt and (probably) looked yesterday.
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2 comments:

  1. ElizabethSeptember 29, 2011 at 9:51 AM

    Have you read the book "A Thousand Gifts"? I think you'd like it! It's a tough book to read at times and sometimes the author portrays herself as pretty pretentious, but I think you would really like it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. ReneeSeptember 29, 2011 at 10:21 AM

    No, I haven't. I'll have to check it out. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete

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